To the Only Cat I Will Ever Love

RIP Chloe, 1996-2013

Dear Chloe,

We both knew that from the moment your icky paws touched our house’s floor, we would not get along. Ever. I’ve hated cats since that day a stray scratched my 4-year old face, leaving me with scars and a split eyebrow. I told you that. I remember “briefing” you at age 9 when you came inside that plastic indigo picnic basket, warning you to never come close to me, lest you’d want to be ground up into siopao meat, or have your skin deep-fried into chicharon.

Well, I thought you had really pretty green eyes. But you purred your way into my home—our home—as if you were the regal queen and we were all your slaves. You hissed and scratched and bit. You would leave your food untouched, and get violent whenever someone cleaned it up.

And yet.

There were moments when you would catch me by surprise as I was working on my thesis. Your fluffy cheek would brush against my legs, or your scaly tongue dabbed my leg, accompanied by your haunting purrs. I remember that time you scratched the back of my hand (and it bled a lot) because I accidentally stepped on your tail. But that same hand was fortunate enough to have also felt your seldom affection whenever I’d sneak in some of our dinner’s fish onto your wooden plate. I loved those little snuggles.

When Rocket became part of our family 2 years ago, you started getting frail. Both of you were vying for everyone’s affection and attention, and the both of you would get into crazy fights. Just like kids in grade school. The harmony/frienemey-ship you guys displayed was very amusing—the way you’d piss each other off by drinking from the other’s water dish, and the way you would both co-exist in the same space, as if you were hanging out and sharing secrets in a language we humans will never be able to comprehend.

I believe the both of you shared a very special connection. If you’re watching us all the way from Kitty Heaven, I bet you’ve seen Rocket sniff around the house, trying to find you. We still haven’t put away your litter box—it’s still painful to move your stuff around. I opened the fridge a while ago and saw your vitamins and your unopened can of Whiskas. I hope they serve you fresh salmon and tuna wherever you are.

My heart sinks whenever I’d think it was your bushy tail that I saw in my periphery. I wonder how it’ll be like for Rocket whenever the house is empty. He misses you; I know he does. Mum won’t have to worry about you eating the dog food or drinking Rocket’s water, even though he would always drink yours. I sometimes wish I’d placed ice cubes in your water dish, too. But I didn’t know how you’d react to the cold.

I never thought I’d miss you this much, Chloe. Can’t believe that you made me cry in my room after I saw you wrapped in that old shirt, ready to be buried. I’m sorry I didn’t see you off as they laid you down in your final resting spot where flowers would soon bloom. Sixteen years is a very long time. It won’t be the same without you.

I know you’re in a better place now, girl. Seeing you breathe your last was such a beautiful and painful thing. I’m glad that you’re not suffering anymore. Maybe you’re 5 years old again, wherever you are, batting your pretty eyes and walking in that annoying way, thinking you’re such a queen (but you really are one for me). You’ll always be the best cockroach killer and Rocket’s best friend. Thank you for being part of our family for 16 years. You’ll always be in our hearts, Chloe. Watch over us, okay? I love you.

Missing your fuzzy nose,
Mikka

May 2013

I don’t know about you, but the earlier third of my 2013 was more on the shittier side of the radar than I expected it to be. Not that I was down in the dumps, but I guess once again, my expectations were too far-fetched. And that’s something I have to deal with by reminding myself to keep it real. I don’t know if it’s the Quarter Life Crisis bug again, but what the hey.

Time has been flying exceptionally fast this year, and I’ve been pretty much scattered and all over the place. Simply put: I’ve been so out of it lately. And huge reason was that I meandered too much on taking life as it came. It totally slipped my mind that at the start of the year, I made it a point to make more goals instead of resolutions. So, here we go!

1. Give myself room to breathe.

The work influx this year has been crazy-fun, but I realized that sometimes, we just need to empty our brains Pensieve-style, and take a frickin break. I have this tendency to pile up so much work that’s impossible to accomplish within 24 hours. A chill pill every once in a while wouldn’t hurt.

Also, “taking it easy” when and where I should be.

2. Read 3 books.

Because I am crazy, I made it a goal to finish 40 books this year. HAHA. Just kidding. I know it’s not impossible, but come on. It’s already May and I’ve only finished, what, 7 books? Lololol. I don’t want to read for the sake of finishing a book and going, “Hey, Ma! I finished 40 books this year!” Right now, I’ve started on the Game of Thrones series, which I have been watching religiously. Ugh! Just to warn you: the book is pretty addicting.

3. No work on weekends.

See, I am a professional crammer, and I’ve deluded myself into thinking that cramming is the best way for me to be productive because it pushes all my buttons and gets me in the zone. And I also realized that managing a blog is a challenging feat, where deadlines are very, very important.

Another reason is that I want to keep my weekends free for me to do Goal #1 and other things like Goal #2, etc. In short, I want to practice good time management so I don’t have to stress out on stuff and be a cranky b*tch because I don’t get to do stuff to nourish my soul, yo.

4. Stick to my budget.

I am a girl, and material things make me happy (but I am not materialistic, mind you!). I think that having “new stuff” makes us all feel a certain kind of elation. I mean, who doesn’t like new stuff that makes you happy, right? As long as you don’t overdo it. Aside from travel, retail therapy works. So after a crappy week, all I’d dream about is blowing my hard-earned savings on clothes, shoes, and other girly stuff. Just because it’s right there, and a trip to a different country demands more patience. Which I lack when I feel the urge to splurge.

This year, I’ve been doing a fairly good job of budgeting wisely, saving, and allotting money to different financial investments. But I still slip every once in a while especially when Forever 21 is on sale.

5. Update my resume and other work-related stuff.

I’ve been receiving all these invitations in LinkedIn, etc. And I really do not know how to go about it. Probably because the only thing you’ll see on my profile is my name and a photo that’s hardly professional-looking. Actually, I don’t even know what you’ll see because I don’t even remember what I placed there. Hehehehe. I personally believe it won’t do any harm to be recognized as a professional and not only as Hitler.

6. Clean out my closet.

No, I don’t mean this in an Eminem kind of way. My friend Chinx and I are having an event at Big Bad Wolf where I will be selling off some of my old stuff. I think my point in making this a goal is to not be lazy and cram the night before the event, and to not be lazy as well in hauling the unsold goods to The Appraisery where I can have them (appraised?) or donated.

7. Write more on this blog.

Because I paid for this domain name HAHAHA. But seriously, I need to write like a motherfucker more. Even though my day job requires a good amount of writing already, I shouldn’t neglect and slack off in my personal writing (which I have been doing for the past x months). Even though it’s still writing, you miss it, too.

To quote Cheryl Strayed, “I know it’s hard to write, darling. But it’s harder not to.”

8. Make a Soundcloud account.

I bought Karen’s old Yamaha named Bean, which I love, because it’s a damn good guitar (and my old guitar’s name is Ender). And I thought hey, wouldn’t it be swell to make music again? And because I don’t want to be a whimp anymore and not share the love.

———-

I’m excited to see how May will unfold. I know it’ll be a busy month! But surprisingly, this is the first time for me to be setting concrete monthly goals. I usually tend to be too futuristic that I set my goals throughout the year without acknowledging the fact that the universe can give you the unexpected. So we regularly have to adapt and adjust. Here we go!

This Belongs Here.

Artwork by my friend Crae.

Why Iceland?

With a confused expression, this is the question people ask me whenever I tell them that Iceland is my dream destination.

Well, why not?

My fascination for this snowcapped country started when I read Pico Iyer’s Falling Off the Map. And as if that wasn’t enough, Sigur Rós’s concert-documentary, Heima, amplified whatever intense feelings I already harbored. Iceland is known to be one of the world’s loneliest places—but it’s a far cry from sad. To quote Mr. Iyer, “Perhaps it is because it is so otherworldy that Iceland leaves such an impression on the mind, because it feels so little like the planet that we know; days spent there are interludes from life, sojourns in some other, nether twilight of the mind.”

I understand why a good number of nature-loving folk would like to visit Iceland. The Northern Lights are best seen in the city of Reykjavik during the months of November to April. But as for me, I think I’d like to live in Iceland for a month or two, just to experience the ostentatious silence that envelops it. Whenever I think of Iceland, I think of peace and calm and tranquil—neceessities my current environment lacks. It’s funny how we are so hungry for silence, but the world just continues to make more and more room for noise. It’s as if solace were a rare gem, while loudness is a commodity. The world is so huge and marvelous, but there is so little space for the self—and this is what I hope to find in Iceland.

At the root of it all, Iceland is the perfect escape for me; a country where I could drown in the quiet and hear my soul’s voice. I already see it: glowing lights like Christmas wrapped in a foggy haze. Dark, opaque nights where the stillness is more than adequate comfort to a restless being. And of course, there are the Northern Lights, which will bedazzle me and hypnotize me like a shaman making magic.

I find Iceland to be such a compelling and mysterious country that my curiosity will be never be satisfied until I finally step foot on this enchanted land. Someday Iceland, someday.

“Sometimes I feel as if the forty miles or so that people can see across the glassy air here they can also see inside themselves, as if, in this penetrating emptiness, you are thrown down and down some inner well. Sometimes it feels as if the land itself invites you almost to see in its changing moods a reflection of your own and, in the turning of the seasons, some deeper, inner shift from light to dark. ‘Especially at this time of the year, people have many different feelings here,’ a car mechanic called Oluvi explained to me one night. ‘In the dark they have much time to think of God—and of other things in that direction.” – Pico Iyer on Iceland, Falling Off the Map

Why I Believe Everyone Needs Pinterest

I spend a more than a quarter of my day online. This entails me to excessive online material consumption (or EOMC. Just kidding; I made that up) that includes work stuff, social media stuff, and random Internet musings that attribute to my slight ADHD. I swear, I have 10 tabs open, and it’s fascinating how my eyes and brain have been shuffling through that much information for 3 hours now. Crazy.

When I am able to chance upon a 30-minute pocket of free time, my eyes are fixated to a single website that makes me feel “oh-so-inspired!!!”—Pinterest! Yes, I am aware of how girly that sounded. Imagine me with my smug look, wearing a garland of daisies, and doing that oh-so-inspired (or should I say, Pinspired, nyahaha sorry I just had to) face. I can practically use up 3 hours of my day everyday just re-pinning and re-pinning and re-pinning. It very addicting, but it also helps me work better. Hehe. I admit, I tend to be a tad materialistic sometimes (okay, who am I kidding) most of the time. Thinking of all the flights I can book, all the destinations I can travel to, all the clothes I can buy, all the food I can cook, all the items in my Wishlist that I can afford, and my dream café! And just like that, my mind starts to drift off to Futureland. I get that effect on Pinterest all the time. It’s sort of like a drug, no?

Well, IT IS.

Let me share with you several of my favorite Pinterest boards. Actually, they’re all my favorite. I swear, if you are in dire need of motivation and creative inspiration, Pinterest is the way to go. Trust me. I started with 5 boards and now I have 20.

1) Wanderlust Board (because I’d like to travel the world someday)

2) Café Ideas Board (because I want to put up a coffee shop someday)

3) Edibles Board (because I love foooooood and my job revolves around it)

4) Style Board (because I’m a girl and I like clothes by default)

5) Living Space Board (because I want to live on my own soon)

6) Wishlist Board (because I need these things in my life ;_; )

7) Wedding Board (just in case I……become a wedding planner, HAHA)

So if you don’t have a Pinterest account yet, I believe it’s high time that rethink you online choices.

Seriously.

A Moment, March

For the past couple of months, we’ve been tackling a series called “Wake Up and Dream” in Church. And every thought-provoking session forced me to sit a little longer and contemplate on my life. I was stirred with questions about choosing between good versus best, focusing on the right stuff, and finding joy despite seemingly-dismal situations.

It’s strange how 2013 has been flying by so quickly. Actually, I find it unfair that we’re 9 weeks into the new year (already!!!). I felt like it sped by so fast, I wasn’t really able to immerse myself and take in each day. I don’t know if the quote “Time flies when you’re having fun” is applicable because yes, I am indeed having so much fun, balancing my passion with an advocacy project I have with some friends. But it makes me wonder always and always about what else is in store. I loved how this series pushed me off my seat, dared me to be bolder with my future plans, and reminded me to never lose sight of the stars.

Here’s a summary from Bebs about what “Wake Up and Dream” is all about. I believe it serves as a wonderful reminder for all us 20-something year-olds about making our lives count and serving a bigger purpose.

“To live a life worth living, we must find a dream that is worth our lives and journey to make that dream a reality.

We must:

IMAGINE – No matter how banged up we are from life’s disappointments, we must find the courage to keep on dreaming.
DISCOVER – Exploration expands the limits of what we can dream and fuels it.
ADAPT – The only thing constant is change. Rigidity will keep us sluggish; we must be flexible.
EXPECT – Despite overwhelming odds, we must face the future with optimism.
FOCUS – No matter how many good options there are, we need to find the One Thing we must give our lives to.
CREATE – We must go beyond the conceptual and actually DO SOMETHING!
ENJOY – If we don’t learn to cultivate joy in the journey, it is not likely that the arrival will be able to satisfy.
INVEST – A life worth living is always about serving others.”

It’s had how we sometimes forget that we have been so blessed with capability and the power of choice. To quote Donald Miller, “Great characters make decisions and move. Life is 10% choosing and 90% movement.” Let’s not take that for granted.

Silantro Fil-Mex Cantina

Last Sunday, my cousin Francis took me to Silantro at Kapitolyo. He and my friend Chinx have been raving about this Fil-Mex Cantina for a really long time now, and whenever they’d mention it (especially the food!!!), I’d always feel like the Grinch or someone with so much remorse. I’m lazy to go all the way up North to foodtrip on my own (I’ve only been to Maginhawa once), having gone back and forth everyday from Makati to Quezon City during my college days. So. Hehehe. Thanks, Francis!

Silantro is still on its soft opening stage, and you know how soft openings usually go (inconsistent food, etc.), but this place was teeming with hungry people when we stepped foot inside. Francis swears by everything in the place, especially the Dinamita (Php 140), but it was unavailable last Sunday GRRRRR.

To start off our meal, I ordered an Iced Tea (Php 50). It was reminiscent to the taste of Pancake House’s brew, with all those hints of citrus and honey. Silantro’s version is a bit too sweet, but just wait for the ice to melt a bit and it should taste fine.

The house specialty is their Lucha Tacos, which are soft or hard shell tacos with your choice of meat: Chicken, Pork, Lamb, Beef, Oxtail, and Lengua. You can have a single choice of meat (Ligero) for Php 65, double (Medio) for Php 85, or triple (Completo) for Php 100. Francis and I opted for a deconstructed Medio (Php 85) and chose Lamb and Oxtail for the meats. We also ordered an extra soft taco for Php 10. Not bad!

The meat was probably cooked with something magical because its aroma alone would make you want to eat it before assembling the taco. More so, the taste. The lamb’s gamey flavor was held intact despite the fatty oxtail. The texture was melt-in-your mouth, and the meat wasn’t stringy at all. It had just the right amount of saltiness to go with their signature guacamole, which I thought was pretty awesome. The serving was a bit small in my opinion, but it’s easy to forget that you’re only paying less than a hundred bucks for food this good, so I thought it was fair enough.

I don’t like the taste of cilantro, but Silantro’s Guacamole is a refreshing take on the classic blend. They used avocado, cilantro, and cucumber in the mix, making it great palette cleanser against all the oily meat we consumed.

In replacement of the Dinamita’s absence, we also ordered Skewers (Php 150), a combination of grilled chicken and beef on two skewers and with a slightly charred tomato at the end. The serving for this one was pretty generous, and it came with a side of Papi’s Fritas, which are potato wedges fried in some secret spiced oil, and cooked to a crisp while leaving the inside tender. These were really, really good. The original serving of these sinful spuds comes with cheese drizzled on top. I’m getting that next time.

Francis told me about their ARTERY-CLOGGING GRAVY, which is a combination of the drippings of all the taco meats. ALL THE MEAT DRIPPINGS. I was demure at first and asked for a little bit of the stuff, but HOT DAYUM. I loved it so much, I asked for more.

And Paolo, the owner, gave me some in a huge ramekin of the said gravy. I drank it like soup.

We also got some of their Silantro Rice with Corn (Php 45) to go with the Skewers. It was a bit dry, but I drowned my rice in gravy so it didn’t matter so much. Hehehe.

And because I am curious and experimental, I spooned a bit of the Silantro Guacamole and Gravy on top of the charred tomato of my skewer. I asked Francis to try it and this was his reaction:

Silantro, I am coming back soon. Please make sure you have Dinamita when I do. OR ELSE.

I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Just give me a vat of your gravy.

Silantro
75 East Capitol Drive,
Kaptiolyo, Pasig City
Metro Manila, Philippines
+63917 508 4748

paper planes and origami cranes